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Jeremy Strikes Again
This is an episode of Carl's Pop Song Reviews. Jeremy sings the song "Drive By", a song that Carl doesn't like. Carl thinks the lyrics are terrible and make no sense. Memorable Quotes Carl: Let me take you back a couple decades. (screen shows Phineas playing a guitar and singing) Carl: See, back in the nineties, we had a genre of music that we called "Adult Alternative". It was a genre driven from the grunge from the nineties, but was intended for people who didn't like the sheer loudness and edginess from those bands. And instead of being inspired by metal or hard rock, it took its inspiration from a variety of different genres, like the college rock from the eighties, singers from the indie scene, and the Roots' rock from the seventies. (screen shows Candace singing "Firework") Carl: Easy listening seems to be taking over again, and most likely, you'll hear something made from studio (bleep)s, such as "Firework" or "Just the Way You Are", rather than stuff written by actual artists. Carl: So, I guess I should be grateful that among the last remaining hitmakers in this genre, we still have a band like Jeremy and the Incidentials around to keep things interesting. Yeah, believe it or not, I called Jeremy and the Incidentials "interesting". Believe me, I would have never said a band who made the song "Calling All Angels" was interesting. When they first came out, I thought they were a bunch of lame Love Handel wannabes. Even their name was dull. Carl: (in reference to Jeremy and the Incidentials) That's just the kind of band that Jeremy and the Incidentials are. They don't seem to be very interesting, they weren't anyone's life in high school, no one doodled their band logo on their notebooks, no one had posters in their locker. Who cares, right? So what changed in their late period work that I suddenly find so interesting? Well, I think the lead singer might have gone insane. Jeremy: (singing) Hey-ey. hey-ey-ey-ey-ey.... Carl: Let me explain. After their fourth album flopped and produced no hits, Jeremy and the Incidentials went on a hiatus for several years, and when they reunited, they said that they just stopped writing hits and rediscovered their love of the music. Apparently, it paid off, whereas I can usually count on hearing one Jeremy and the Incidentials hit from each album, this new album produced a number of hits, the biggest hit being "Hey Soul Sister". Jeremy: Hey soul sister... Carl: Well, I gave that song a harsh review. As harsh as I was, I think I actually underplayed the crazy badness of the lyrics. Jeremy: The way you can cut a rug, loving you is the only drug I need, so gangsta, I'm so thug... Carl: .......Why? Carl: Looking back, the weird lyrical choices was always there. Jeremy: (singing) Can you imagine your love like deep fried chicken... Carl: But man, Johnson just let loose with that on that last album. I legitimately don't know how his mind works. This guy's head is filled with awful word choices, terrible forced rhymes, and bizarre pop culture references. Carl: (in reference to the song he's reviewing) When I first heard it............yeah..........yeah..... Carl: As bad as awful hooks go, I had no idea that they could be this terrible. Jeremy: (singing) Oh, I swear to ya, I'll be there for ya, this is not a drive by-y-y-y-y, just a shy guy, looking for a two-ply Hefty bag to hold my-y-y-y-y-y love... Carl:................What the what!? Hefty bag!? Hefty bag!? Of all the....what!? Carl: I possibly could not have heard that right. Jeremy: Hefty bag to hold my-y-y-y-y-y love... Carl: No, Hefty bag. He's looking for a two-ply (screen shows a picture of toilet paper), no a two-ply Hefty-bag... Annotation: ....Improvement? Carl:....to hold his love in. Which, funny you should mention, here is a garbage bag full of disgust for that line. (takes out a garbage bag, opens it, and looks inside it) No wait, this isn't disgust. It's garbage. WHICH IS WHAT YOU PUT IN A GARBAGE BAG YOU FREAK OF NATURE! Carl: Why would you compare your love to garbage? I was already shocked that "drive by" was the most romantic imagery you could think of, but boy, he topped that pretty quickly. What kind of person would enjoy that? (screen shows Buford and Baljeet doing inappropriate, creepy things to trash bags) Carl: *shudders* Carl: Is the garbage bag a metaphor for the girl that he's giving his love to? Annotation: Garbage bag=Candace? Carl: God, that's even worse. What the living (bleep)? Carl: Remember my review of "Give Me Everything" and those horrible opening lines? Buford: Me not working hard? Yeah, picture that with a Kodak. Carl: Remember how I joked about how Kodak must have paid Buford for product placement? It turns out, they did. They paid to be in Buford's song, and it went so well that Kodak promptly went bankrupt. Carl: Maybe Hefty paid Jeremy to be in his song. If that's true, would it really help your product? I know I'm committed to getting my trash bags from Glad now. I hope Hefty really didn't waste their money on this. This has to be the worst commercial for Hefty bags ever! (a bad Hefty commercial starts playing) Phineas: (in a high pitched voice) Stinky! Ferb: (in a low pitched voice) Hefty! Phineas: Stinky! Ferb: Hefty! Phineas: Stinky! Stinky! Ferb: Hefty! Hefty! Hefty! Carl:....This has to be the second worst commercial for Hefty bags ever! Carl: I'm being too harsh. It's just one line. I can forget that, right? Jeremy: When you move me, everything is groovy, if they don't like it, sue me... Carl:.....Well, screw you, too, buddy! (flips the bird) Carl: I thought this guy was insane, but maybe he's a lazy (bleep). I can't interpret that line for anything other than a middle finger to the people that expected more work than this. I hope someone sues him. I'm sure that rhyming "move me" with "groovy" is an offense. Groovy. No one even says that anymore. That was decades ago. Carl: It's not just the chorus that's bad, it's the first verse, too. Jeremy: On the other side of a street I knew, stood a girl that looked like you, I guess that's deja vu, but I thought this can't be true, 'cause, you moved to West L.A.... Carl: This isn't hilariously bad, it's just sloppy. Jeremy: On the other side of a street I knew... Carl: What does it matter that you knew the street? Is the street your ex-girlfriend? Who cares? Jeremy: Stood a girl that looked like you, I guess that's deja vu... Carl: No. That's not what deja vu is. At all. USE A DICTIONARY! Jeremy: Stood a girl that looked like you, I guess that's deja vu, but I thought this can't be true... Carl: What wasn't true? Seeing a girl that looks like another girl? Do you even edit these things? My god, these are such simple things to fix. Jeremy: Stood a girl that looked like you... Annotation: Stood a girl that looked like you I thought was you Carl: You can't just turn in your rough draft and expect a passing grade, jerk. Carl: I could nitpick this song line by line, but I have to talk about the meaning of this song. "Hey Soul Sister" didn't express a theme other than "I Heart You". "Drive By's" theme expresses much more. Apparently, this one night together with Candace left such an expression on Johnson that he wants a relationship now. Surely because of her personality. Jeremy: Oh, but that one night was more than just right, I didn't leave you 'cause I was all through... Carl:.............................. (a siren goes off) Annotation: TMI ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT Carl:....Don't make me think of your face, dude. Carl: So, she does "it" well. Jeremy: And the way you do me... Carl: Gross. Carl: Now, he wants to be with her forever, I guess. Usually in songs like this, there's the unspoken assumption that the feels are mutual. Jeremy: You moved to West L.A. or New York or Santa Fe or wherever to get away from me... Carl: She seems to really not like him. Heck, it's not even as bad as her not returning your calls. She skipped town. I don't think she wants seconds. Jeremy: Oh, but that one night, was the highlight... Carl: Apparently it wasn't the highlight for her, she's running as fast as she can! Carl: Yeah.....this isn't going to be the love for ages. Take a hint, pal. She doesn't want you, or want to be near you or be in the same town with you. You should look at the clues, and leave this girl alone. (takes out his wallet and opens it) Isn't that right, wallet photos of Vanessa? I love you, too. (kisses the photos) Jeremy: Now here you are again, and let's skip to how you've been and get down to more than friends.... Carl: Or to the restraining order. Pushy much, dude? Just a shy guy my (bleep). Carl: Other than the Hefty bag comment, nothing in this song is too bad. Jeremy: On the upside of a downward spiral, my love for you went viral... Carl: (falls out of his chair) Jeremy: My love for you went viral... Carl: What!? No! No! I swear to God, Jeremy just uses random words without finding out what they mean. My love for you is like a killer app! Stop Kony with my love! What is your problem!? Carl: It's too early to know if "Drive By" will be as bad as "Hey Soul Sister"---we'll check in eight months from now--but was it more annoying than "Hey Soul Sister"? Well, in "Hey Soul Sister", his voice was less tolerable, but he didn't do that long syllable thing. Jeremy: Drive by-y-y-y-y.... Albert: (singing) Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oves like Jagger... Carl: There's a trend that needs to die. Carl: So, big picture. What does the success of this song say about pop music as a whole? My basic conclusion is this: pop music today has too many bad bag metaphors. Jeremy: Hefty bag to hold my-y-y-y-y-y love.... Candace: Do you ever feel like a plastic bag... Ferb: And I got her, grocery bag... Carl: Seriously, that's the new trend now? Someone give me a bag to vomit in. (show ends) Trivia *The creator thought this song was okay, until she figured out what the lyrics were Category:Stories by Tpffan5196 Category:Jeremy Johnson Category:Reviews Category:Fanon Works